Today I had a jarring experience. I came home feeling sad about retiring. This is not how I have been feeling typically. I usually come home and look at my countdown app, assuring myself this working gig is indeed going to end!
There are two Transition Coordinators in the school district and I have one of those jobs. ( I just edited: and I am one of them. I just realized that is what’s this is about.). The other Transition Coordinator and I met with our boss, to discuss the hiring process, and what we believe we bring to the job, to the profession. I felt like I was talking about me in the past tense. Many days it’s great to be leaving as I am so looking forward to being retired. Today I had the jolt of realizing I am leaving a fair amount of my definition of me. So maybe this is part of the separation process: from “I am one of the two Transition Coordinators in the district” to “I have a job as one of the two Transition Coordinators in the district.” Hear the difference?
Just as I understand my co-workers will start detaching from me, perhaps I need to start detaching from “I am a Transition Coordinator”. While continuing to do my job. I am still relevant, no, what I do for/with students, families and staff is still relevant. I am always relevant. So, there it is. I am scared of not being relevant.
I told my boss today it is wonderful to be able to retire while I still like my job. But I am realizing that liking my job means there are many aspects of it I will miss. I have been the Transition Coordinator for sixteen years. In the last few years I have enjoyed feeling a greater level of competence and confidence in my work. This is pretty gratifying. I have worked in the same building and with some of the same staff, for twenty years. A couple of decades is a long time, and a lot of relationships are work-related only, that I do not anticipate moving into friendships. Those relationships will be ending. Which is fine, as I don’t want a huge amount of people to maintain friendships! It just part of a huge life change that caught up with me today.